I started this post really differently but all I really wanted to say is that depression is really shitty.
I have a lot of trouble speaking eloquently about it because I‘ve been there. THERE. there in the black hole of feeling empty, sad, nothingness. Or obnoxiously loud fear. Constant doubt. Self-beration for anything and everything.
And you know, I‘m doing good now. A lot better. But I‘m not always totally sure how. I know it took a long time. And a lot of prayer, more from other people than myself. And I know it was weird. And long enough ago that I can say something. Just a small, ineloquent, badly written something. But something. Seriously who reads this anyways?
I guess I don‘t know what I wanted to say. Just that I wish I knew what to say?
I hope one day I can be cool, like TWLOHA or Bob Goff or something, but until then I guess I‘ll just settle for writing lame little things saying this:
If your in the midst of a really bad bout of depression, or dealing with mental illness, or even just really bummed out I‘m thinking of you. And I wish I could love you with my actions, with being the buddy that takes you out for coffee or bakes you cookies, or that guy that helps you move. I wish I could be that one random thing that makes you laugh, maybe hysterically, for the first time in forever. I wish I could tell you “I LOVE YOU” and it be okay and have you really believe it. I wish I could be that one person that encourages you that you believe. I wish I could give you a hug, or maybe just squeeze your hand gently if hugs aren’t your thing.
I guess maybe I‘m the only one who reads this, but even if just one other person sees this who needs it, it‘s worth it. I wish I could show you I love you. I really, REALLY do.