Month: November 2014

Today’s post is brought to you by the letter “S”

There’s this kid at my work named Tyler and I think he hates me.

I’m good at my job, but I hate it and I think he’s picked up on that and doesn’t appreciate it. I think he also dislikes that I’m almost always hustling to get out of there when my shift ends.

Most of my co-workers are fine and it’s not the worst job I’m just tired of it and it gets in the way of getting stuff done for the wedding and it’s just kind of a gross job. I come home smelling like campfire smoke, dirty dishwater, and feet. And like all people in food service my back is trying to murder me and may eventually succeed.

Since I’ve been so annoyed by it lately I’ve decided to start changing the notices and stuff at work in order to bring myself some small, absurd, mischievous joy.

MUST BE DONE BY THE END OF YOUR SHIFT
becomes
SMUST BE DONE BY THE END OF YOUR SHIFT

QUALITY INN MAP
becomes
LOW QUALITY INN MAP

Of course I didn’t just stop there. I messed with people’s time cards too.

TYLER
becomes
STYLER

LOGAN
becomes
SLOGAN

VANCE
becomes
SVANCE

Most of them have gotten a good laugh out of it. But Tyler asked me about it today and I think he was really mad. He said he wasn’t, but he was pretty passive aggressive about it.

Oops.

Sorry, Styler.

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Ya’ll.

I have followers. And I don’t know how you found me. And it’s weird. But welcome, I guess? I suspect most of you are fishing for follow backs but I’m not really into that scene so no thanks, franks. If you’re here because you care about what I write then I hope you don’t mind that I’m not censoring or editing myself very much. Pretty much not at all. Whatever.

Anywho, I’m in the middle of a skype date with my fiancée but wanted to write this before I forget and he’s busy doing sexy things like checking his financial statements so I don’t want to keep missing out on that. Check ya later, ya’ll.

I’m the worst. By which I mean awesome.

I have a million things running through my mind going at a frantic, non-stop pace that should probably qualify me as asylum worthy but for some reason has yet to visibly imbalance me that much on the outside. That or I’m so crazy I don’t realize that this isn’t reality and I actually am in an asylum. But I’m also really happy with my scatter brained existence so I guess I don’t care? Is that bad? Shouldn’t I care if I’m actually insane? Oh golly maybe I do. If I’m genuinely insane then I could wake up at any moment and everything here will go away and my life is really going good at the moment so I really don’t want that to happen. Oh gosh I hope this is the really real reality because if it’s not then I’m going to miss my fiancée so much and it’s going to really freak him out if I start acting like we’re engaged in this other actual reality if we aren’t in both.

SEE. GADZOOKS, I WAS GOING TO WRITE ABOUT MY WEDDING PLANS OR ACCOUNTABILITY OR SOME NICE SHIT AND HERE I AM DISCUSSING MY POTENTIAL SANITY. I SWEAR MY BRAIN IS ON CRACK COCAINE.

This is why myself and 90% of the world’s population are probably concerned about my impending marriage. I still do things like climb on roofs just to prove I can and graffiti the notices around work to change them from things like “Amanda Wisely bought a 5 Cheese Pizza.” to “Amanda UNWisely bought a 5 Cheese Pizza.
And I sprayed spittle all over the youth Pastor’s husband just because he told me not to.

Yeah.

I’m getting married in T-Minus 41 days.

Awesome.